where are my freaking sheep??

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Here it is, a beautiful saturday morning. I stayed up late last night, as is becoming the norm, and so you'd think I'd at least sleep in until 8 or something... but NO... this morning I'm wide awake at 6:freaking:30. But its the kind of awake-ness that although your body is up and going, your mind is screaming 'go back to sleep, you are NOT ready for this day to start yet!'

Today is a weighted day for Hubby with his company. Well this whole week and next week are unbelievably important and its got me tied into a ball of stress. On the outside I'm maintaining composure, and on the inside, Im scrambled. I have that little "shelter" switch turned on inside where I try to make everything seem completely normal for the kids. Hopefully for them, its just another Saturday, another day of summer, blissfully stress-free.

Although one of my girls said to our dog yesterday, "Max, you have such an easy life. You only have to worry about eating and sleeping and playing." Then she looked at her sisters and said, "Remember when everything used to be easy?" I laughed and then challenged her to explain what exactly was so hard and stressful for her in this summer of friends and poolside activities. She sheepishly admitted that it actually wasn't that stressful.

I think back on times like that too when everything seemed easier. I wonder if things just seem that way as time passes, and we only remember the good things? Maybe my sheep are just hanging out talking of easier times, when the didn't have to jump. Whatever the case may be, they better get back to it soon, or I might have to light a freaking fire under them.

red wine

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there are days. days when the ending of the day is the best part. the days where you were worn out and all you want in the world is to unwind. this brings me to my friend, red wine. hello old friend. so glad you could make it.

red wine and I are closing the end of this long day. dont get me wrong, it was a great day. last night I took seven super happy, screaming girls to the justin bieber concert and they screamed until their voices were gone. then they all slept over. this morning I made a yummy breakfast for them and then gave free haircuts. then my dad showed up for a cut too. then I went grocery shopping and cleaned and cleaned. we grilled for dinner- YUM! nothing better than the summer! and this day was NOT going to end with me fixing the freaking gate lock. its been broken for far too long and Im always worried maxdog will get out. no matter that the drill isn't charged and i have to keep switching battery packs in-between screws. or that its after 9:30 and pretty much dark. no problem. red wine and I can fix it.

in fact red wine and I are pretty much invincible.

I am so excited because tomorrow my best friend is coming in town to visit for the week with her son and I have all these fun things planned. more than anything, I am excited to just laugh and talk and talk and laugh some more and just enjoy her company. there is nothing like seeing someone that you just fall back into where you left off. I think that's what makes a friend that stands the test of time.

red wine and I are like that too. :) pretty sure red wine will always be the best way to finish off any day.

dear red wine...

you complete me.

alpacas and independence (I know.. they don't really go together...)

How can you not be in love with this alpaca!?

Granted, I know I didn't really know what an alpaca was before I met this little guy... but don't you just want to hang out with him and his little skater haircut? Yeah, me too. Look he's totally winking at you with a little alpacaish grin!!

Ok aaaannnyyyway. So it was the 4th of July the other day. I hope everyone had a great one!

In the spirit of the holiday, here is a list of thing I am thankful for and the freedoms that I enjoy:

• my husband- I know I am so lucky to have him in my life. Love ya baby- always have, always will
• step-daughters- they truly make my life enjoyable
• the freedom to work from the comfort of my home

• Maxdog- he is my little love

• my family- its been a rough couple of years for my parents and siblings, but we have all tried to help each other out and to forgive. Hopefully as things go forward we can just keep supporting each other and heal. Because when it comes down to it, your family is what really matters
• friends- especially my best friend in Las Vegas- love her to death
• health- I am thankful that all of my family has their health. My heart goes out to so many friends and the struggles of disease. You are in my thoughts.
• the simple things- coffee in the morning, the sunshine, music, fun phone calls, iced chai, fruit all summer, laughing, red wine, alone time with hubby, weekends, a good book, dusk, head hitting the pillow after a great day

I hope that everyone had a great holiday filled with family, friends & of course good food! I am thankful for my freedom to make decisions based on my own judgment and not anything that is forced on me. I am grateful to all those who serve our great country, to keep us safe and somewhat oblivious to the hardships around the world.

Love the USA!!! Happy Independence Day!

goodreads?? how did I not know about this??

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Hello there!! So its the summer and I haven't been on the computer much! I have done lots of fun things with the girls, been on some trips, painted some new pieces, contracted and FINALLY got rid of a three week flu, and been outside a bunch.

Last night I went to book club, totally unprepared. I actually hadn't even bought the book!! The summer days have just slipped by!! Anyway, I really enjoyed listening to them discuss the book, even though I hadn't read it. It reignited my desire to READ, so THANKS Kelly!!

I also was introduced to GOODREADS! I CANNOT believe I had not done this site before!! It just allows you to show what books you have read and rate them- and then to see what others recommend. It's like a bookreader's facebook cuz you can see your friends and stuff. So I put in all of these books I've read and looked at what some of my friends recommended. It's a great site! Seriously, I am floored at my out-of-the-loopness.

Anyway, sign up! It's a great site and Im really excited to pick out some new books to fall into! This will be a much better way to do book reviews!!

I have been feeling stagnant in my book for the last month or so. Hubby started reading it and gave me a bunch of feedback so I am working through that right now. Feedback is kind of hard for me... Im a little too sensitive for my own good. I think at first it always makes me feel bad, and I try to defend why I did something that way I did. But after a little while, I start to try to take the suggestions and address them.

I had wanted him to read it for a while and give me his thoughts, because I think I am so involved in it, I may not see things clearly. And I just wanted someone else's opinion, to kind of make sure Im on the right track... or at least a track that is interesting. :) So I am going to try to rededicate to writing every day. I really do want to make some headway on it this summer!!

soooooo..... Im off to work on it!! aaannnnddd them Im going to take the girls to the POOL! :)

what's the date again???

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.... hello????? who is this??

I know, seriously what is the date? What day of the week is it?? I have lost all track of time and reason! Here's a mini version of the last few weeks:

Hubby and I went back to where he grew up in northern california to visit his friends and have him participate in a golf tournament -there was lots of laughs with great friends, multiple concoctions of alcoholic beverages and to top it all off, someone actually has a stripper pole installed inside their house there.... no pictures to follow.. sorry...

We stopped in San Francisco on our way back to the airport and got to go to some of our favorite stores and the yummiest breakfast place in town (Sears!).

The girlies are out of school and we have had many-an-adventure already. One included camping where although we were able to avoid any bears, we accidentally brought the TWIN sized air mattress for us. Have I mentioned Hubby is 6'3" and built with a muscly physique (he will love that I said that )?? Yeah... so no sleeping for me! We also had our dog with us... I know he's a little guy, but when you only have a TWIN size for the THREE of us, its a little squishy to say the least. Oh and I cant forget to mention the awesome mummy sleeping bag that we were all excited to have because it was COLD still.... doesn't really cater to a man that is that tall!! So the top of the mummy bag only came mid-head to him... poor guy was struggling to smush into the bag more so that the top half of him could be covered! It was the kind of night thats really FUNNY like two weeks after the fact!

The girls and I did a painting project on canvas which was really fun. I've been painting a lot lately and I got asked to participate in a Garden gallery showing in September! Im so freaking excited!! So I've been working on some stuff and having a really fun time. Its the strangest thing because I never painted when I was younger. I liked to draw a lot but I didn't really paint. Several years ago, in a series of very interesting events, I ended up meeting with this woman that is an energy reader. I was really wanting her to say I'd have a lot of success with my book. But she didn't. What she said, was that she thought I would be very successful with painting. And Im like, "I dont paint......"

So then fast forward four years and wa-la. I thought I'd try to paint Maya, a main character in my book. I did, and I've been doing it ever since. So that was last fall sometime. And since then I think I have done about 14 paintings or something like that. Not too shabby! My sister is going to help me get a website going to show them all. How cool is that??

Hubby finally took me golfing for the first time ever, which is ridiculous since he used to be Pro. I have only ever PRACTICED. I've hit a million balls, putted and chipped, but I hadn't actually played! I would get tired of all the practicing and not keep going. He said he was "protecting" me.... what do you think? He said he didn't want me to get frustrated and hate it. I guess I can see his point. Anyway, I actually really liked it! We've gone twice in the last few weeks and Im hoping to go again soon.

My oldest stepdaughter turned 12 yesterday!! I cant believe it!! I came into her life when she was 4, so she always remembers me being in the picture, which is incredibly lucky for me. They are all such great girls!

Soooo with the writing.... I know I know. Im on it!! Its been crazy busy, as you can see. And I left a LOT out of what we've been up to! But, I am getting back to my writing and I just wanted to tell you that I AM GETTING BACK TO IT. And hopefully I will be better at writing on here. Sometimes... life just gets in the way of my blogging. :) Im sure you all understand!

Hope you are all living up your summers! Breathe in these days because they will be gone before you know it!

No more plot for you!

This is my favorite picture from our anniversary trip to Cabo! We had an obscene amount of fun and it will be a trip we will always remember. We went with another couple that we love and then Hubby's brother. So so sooo much fun. This picture was taken on our actual anniversary at a dinner on the beach that our friends organized for us. It was a perfect dinner and I am incredibly lucky to be married to this man. We have been together for 7 1/2 years and married for 6.

Which is worth a toast. Cheers.

When we got home, I swear I had some mexican bug for a week! I was kind of sick to my stomach, but more that than was the strange TIREDNESS that made me ache all day! Not like a "oh im worn out" tiredness. Like a "I cannot move off of this couch if you paid me and dangled a pair of new shoes" kind of tired.

So. Glad. Thats. Over. Anyway, Im trying to get back into the swing of things. So my last entry was that I had come up with an ending. And now I am not sure if that's how it should go or not. I'm feeling like I need someone to look at what I've done so far and tell me I'm on the right track or something. There are so very many ways that the story could go, and so I just don't know if I'm writing the right one. I wonder if other writers feel like that sometimes?

Maybe I need to join a writing group or something. But I kind of wanted to have it mostly written before I did that. I did run into something interesting when I was coming up with the ending. In my mind, I had sort of pegged this guy as the person that turns "bad" for lack of a better word. I was trying to develop him enough to where you really like him. And then this life altering terrible event occurs and changes him forever, causing him to do things he never would have done before. But I ran into a problem because I developed him so much that now I don't want him to turn. I just don't think his character would do a 180 like that.

From what I've read about this type of problem, which would be character vs. plot, character is always supposed to win out. But that kind of screws up my plan... I did figure out a way to overcome it, but Im not sure if its too predictable?

See, I need someone to tell me. But see I think IIII need to tell me. I need to work through it, and then when I figure it out, it will be so much more powerful than if someone else just told me.

I need to just get out of the overview and get into it. I've been trying to work out the plot, and that always screws me up. So there. New plan. Just write and see what happens.

Ok so my plan today is: reread the whole thing to get myself immersed again, then write at least three pages. There. That's a start. And you never get anywhere without a start.

check-marks

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Today is the day I figured out the ending. Or at least AN ending for my book. This is a HUGE deal for me because I have never been able to clearly come up with an ending that I think would work. The funny thing is that when I started out this morning, I wasn't even working on the plot... and I certainly didn't think I would find my ending.

Today I tried a different exercise -I did entire character descriptions (at the suggestion of Timothy Hallinan, who I talked about yesterday. I wrote everything I knew about each of the main characters I intend to have in my story. What do they look like? Who makes up their family? What is their occupation? What is their character like? What is their 'mission' in the book? What are their flaws? How far are they willing to go to get what they want? What is important to them? What is their moral fiber like? What/who do that care about? I didn't think about it... I just wrote and wrote.

So in the middle of this, I had some crazy things happen... one thing is that someone I THOUGHT was a main character... well he's kind of out. I got to the end of the plot without him in it! Sad! I really kind of liked that character! Who knows, maybe he will find another purpose somewhere in the book that I don't know about yet.

The other thing that happened is that while I was describing their personalities and how they got to be WHO they are... THE PLOT EXPANDED AND THE ENDING APPEARED!

I dont know if it will end up being THE ENDING but at least I got my head around a possibility.

So my check-marks for the day:

• words written today 2,309
• characterizations
• ending

aaaannnnddd we're back in business.