I am a stepmother

(pic source)

stepmothers are evil. all the movies say so.

stepmothers never have your best interest in mind, and they don't really love you.

they love your dad. they battle you for his attention. they have a running commentary of snarky comments that they occasionally filter, but not very much.

they cant wait until its time to bring you back to your mother. they can't believe they signed up to deal with you all the time.

only.... it's not true.

at least not for me.

I am a stepmother.

One who actually loves them, who is trying to help mold them into classy, intelligent, kind, strong, beautiful women.

When they were little, I read them books, I sang them songs at night. I tucked them into bed and laid down with them to scare away the boogey man. I tried to remain calm when arms were broken or fingers were burned. I've cleaned up throw up and had them fall asleep on my lap next to the toilet.

I've been to all the soccer or basketball games, recitals, ceremonies and performances. I cheered them on and took a million pictures, videotaped, scrapbooked and blogged. I've met their teachers, volunteered at their schools, made countless lunches and helped them plough through homework, and occasionally scrambled late into the night to finish a forgotten project.

Now as they are getting older, I giggle with them when they tell me stories that "you can't tell dad, because he's a not a girl" and I listen to their excitement over their discovery that boys are actually kind of cute. I offer up the best advice I can when friends are being fair-weathered, or someone feels left out. I hug them when things go wrong, or when they are sad. I make them popcorn for our movie nights and plan fun things like GNI (girls-night-in) when their daddy is out of town. We sing at the top of our lungs into spatulas (aka our microphones) and dance our hearts out to Justin Bieber. I paint their toes and share clothes with them. I braid or straighten or pull back their hair. I make them yummy meals and laugh when they say... "next time... can we not have it the healthy way?" I try to think of fun things to take them and their friends to do together and I don't get mad when I wake up at 6am to realize that their sleepover had turned into an all-nighter.

I think about each of them, individually, all the time. I worry about their tender hearts getting broken, by people at school or boy they like. I encourage them to get good grades and we talk about the colleges they want to go to. I adore their father- in front of them, and talk about him when he is away. I want them to have a great example of a healthy happy marriage.

I love them- not because that's what I'm supposed to say, but because I really do.

The part of being a step mother that they never talk about is that even with all the things you may do, it doesn't always matter. It doesn't always count or get recognized. I still get my feeling hurt by those little girls sometimes. I don't get to be at everything, and sometimes they forget to tell us about events we could have gone to. I don't get to be a part of major decisions, and if their mom doesn't want them to stay with me when their dads away, then they can't. What their mom thinks will always trump what I think, and sometimes its hard to hold my tongue when their mom gives her opinions of me and they repeat it.

But even through all the stuff that is completely unfair and the viewpoints that are skewed, and the stereotypes of stepmoms in all of their infinite evil, it will never change the fact that I have three great kids that I love and adore. I am lucky to be able to be a part of their lives, and I know they love me too.

Hopefully the other stepmoms that are out there will keep taking about how they love what they do, and wouldn't change anything. Hopefully someday when I say Im a stepmom it won't have such a negative connotation.

But for now..

I am a stepmother. And proud of it.